3 MAIN CAUSES OF ADDICTION
- Pain in the inner self
- Pressure we receive from peers and the world around us
- Our tremendous appetite for pleasure
HOW TO IDENTIFY AN ADDICTED OR CODEPENDENT PERSON
- They are driven by one or more compulsive (can’t stop) habits.
- They are bound and tormented by the way things were in their original family relationships.
- They have a very low self-image. Often their maturity level is also low.
- They have the notion that their happiness depends on another person.
- They have severe difficulty getting along with others. They are unbalanced in their relationships—seeking total dependence on another or total independence from others.
- They are masters of denial—unable to recognize reality the way it is, and they constantly lie to cover up their addiction and its behavior.
- Codependents constantly try to control others—trying to make them act against their will for the codependent’s benefit.
- Their life is full of way out, extreme behaviors.
- They worry uncontrollably about things they cannot change and totally ignore the things that they can change. They try to change things in all sorts of strange, dishonest, and devious ways. They become masters of manipulation.
- They are constantly searching for something that is lacking or missing in their life.
- They will do or give up anything to satisfy their addictive appetite. They are totally unable to stop their habit even though they cry out and want to do so.
TERMS OF ADDICTION
- Drunk: Applies to all forms of out-of-control behavior
- Insane: Out-of-control behavior, doing the same things over and over expecting different results
- Sober: In control; a rational person
- Wrongs: Any break in the love relationship described by Jesus in His commandment to “love one another”.
- Abuse: Another term for wrongs; causes pain and hurts in us and others
- Denial: A mind game in which we refuse to accept life the way it actually is and change it mentally to suit our addictive fantasy
- Projection: Transferring or projecting the blame for our behavior onto someone else
- Hitting Bottom: A painful encounter with consequences of our addictive life style that causes us to seek change
33 COMMON ADDICTIONS
Alcohol, Fights, Sex, Caffeine, Gambling, Sexual Abuse, The Chase, Love, Shopping, Chronic Illness, Male Dependency, Soap Operas, Compulsive Lying, Money, Sugar, Church, Nicotine, Talking, Credit Card Spending, Over Eating, Telephone, Drugs, Pain, Television, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Video Games, Female Dependency, Prescription Medication, Work, Internet Use, Facebook, Codependency
HIDDEN ADDICTIONS
- Alcohol, drugs, or prescription drugs
- Work, achievement, or success
- Money: overspending, gambling, hoarding, credit card spending
- Control: Seeking to control others in personal, family, business, or sexual relationships
- Food: overeating or starvation
- Sexual: any form of sexual involvement outside of marriage including masturbation, sexual fantasy, and pornography
- Approval: the need to please others to gain their approval and admiration
- Rescuing: the need to save others regardless of the cost
- Dependency: being involved with those we know will hurt us in the end
- Physical: over concern about the physical wellness and health of our body
- Exercise: physical conditioning, steroids use, excessive concern about weight loss or weight control medications
- Grooming: over concern about cosmetics, clothing, or cosmetic surgery
- Intellectual: over concern about book learning and excessive intellectualizing
- Religious: preoccupation with the form, rules, and regulations of religious practices; over concern with the legalism of religion; the inability to live a balanced, spiritual life
- Perfectionism: obsession with being perfect; the inability to admit making a mistake; a “never wrong” person
- Cleanliness: The “Mr. Clean” person; always concerned with cleanness at all costs
- Organizational: has to have everything in perfect order in life; has a panic attack when anything is out of order
- Materialism: the person whose “god” is the material things of life; values things much more than people
THE SERENITY PRAYER
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change – (Others)
The courage to change the things that I can – (Myself)
And the wisdom to know the difference – (Your Way, Lord)